He Tells Me About The Infamous Picture

As I mentioned, I did not remember meeting his mother… but here he tells me about the picture(s) she took. I wrote about this, A Good Mother In Real Life. But this is when I found out these pictures existed. You see what she put him through…

“Go ahead, tell me the rest,” I said.

“Well we went over there and you met them.”

“Well how did I handle that? I must have not known what was going on.”

“Well yeah. You didn’t know what was going on. Well you knew I was pissed but I guess you didn’t know why. But I’m sure they told you something. My own family is a bunch of traitors. They probably told you, don’t worry about him. He’s just being a jerk because you called him a cock. But we think he’s a cock too, so doesn’t worry about it. We don’t blame you one bit,” he said.

I laughed.

“Well how did it go? I mean…”

“It went fine as far as I could tell. Fine for the three of you. Yeah, you all liked each other. You all had a good time.”

“What did you do?”

“I don’t know. Be pissed. Fume. Pout.”

“I see.”

“And then she we wanted to take the picture. The infamous picture she took.”

“I’m in it?”

“Hell yes, you’re in it. You’re the star of that picture. You’re all shiny, E. You’re shiny, hair all shiny and you’re smilin’ to beat the band. You look good, believe me. You look like you’re having no trouble at all. You’re grinnin’ like… you know how you are. You have your regular grinning cute-faced, I’m a little angel, Elsa in that picture.”

“Oh brother.”

“And not only would I not stand with you, I also refused to talk to you, or to look at you the whole time we were there. I wouldn’t even glance in your direction.”

I shook my head. ‘Oh my God. What did I do? How did I handle that? I don’t see how I could have…”

“You handled it fine. You didn’t do anything. You talked to my mom. You talked to my sister. You all told old jokes. You laughed.”

“What did you do?”

“Be pissed. Fume. Pout.”

“I see.”

“So then we’re going to leave… finally. They knew I was fit to be tied so we didn’t stay that long although it seemed like eternity. But first she wanted to take a picture of us and I was just a total prick about it. I wouldn’t do it. I said, hell no. I’m not taking my picture with her. If you want a picture of her, then take one, but I’m not going to be in it. I’m not going to get anywhere near her.”

“So what’d she do?”

“She took a picture of you, with me in it, going against what I said, of course. I’m not standing next to you but I’m in the picture. She got us in same frame.’

“Oh.”

“And you’re all grinning and wearing this dress. You know. You look like you. You look like you’re a stewardess or something. You look like you’ve never done anything wrong in your life.”

“Yeah? And what are you doing?”

“Oh, I’m standing in the background just glaring at the world. I was so pissed off, Els. I was mad as hell. I can’t tell you how mad I was at all three of you. So I’m glaring and you’re shining. You look great and I’m glaring. I look like some kind a dick who is being mean to this nice girl, Elsa who has never did anything wrong in her life.”

“I gotta see this,” I said, chuckling.

“Yeah, you ought to see that picture. It’s a hell of a picture, actually. It’s pretty good. But anyway, listen. You haven’t heard the rest of this. The worst of this.”

“What?”

“Well, whenever I go see my mother, she pulls that picture out. For years I mean. 25 years. All my life, since we parted, she’s shown it to me. And here’s Elsa. Remember Elsa, she’ll say like she’s all proud. She’s actually proud of what she did.”

I laughed.

“Yeah, well it’s funny now. But I didn’t think it was very funny in the beginning, and not for a long time. I didn’t think it was even one bit funny. I used to tell her to put that picture away! I don’t want to see it so don’t be showin’ it to me. Why don’t you get rid of that thing anyway?” He stopped to think. “See, I wanted to get rid of you for awhile there, Els. I was trying to rid myself of you for good but it never worked. You just haunted my life no matter what so eventually I just gave up and accepted it.”

“Oh,” I said stupidly. I had no idea what to say. I hadn’t talked to the soldier in 20 years. I finding stuff out, far more than I could parse.

“But after awhile it grew on me. You know. Over the years I started to appreciate that picture and at some point I decided I would like to have it and then get this.”

“What?”

“She wouldn’t give it to me!”

“She wouldn’t?’

“She wouldn’t and she won’t. She will not give that picture. She WILL NOT. She just refuses to part with it.”

I snorted. “No wonder I liked her. I’m not surprised we got along. What does she say when you ask?”

“She says, no. She says absolutely not. And I say hey! Why don’t you give me that picture, anyway? What do you need a picture of Elsa for? I don’t have a picture of her so why should you have one when I don’t? That doesn’t make any sense, I’d say. You don’t need a picture of Elsa, but I’d like to have one. So why don’t you give it to me. I’d be trying to talk her into giving me the picture, see.”

I laughed.

“I have a picture because I took a picture, she says. “And you can’t have it. Why can’t you have it? Because it’s my picture, that’s why. This is my picture of Elsa and I’m keeping it.”

I roared.

“If you wanted a picture of Elsa, you should have taken you own picture of her, like I did. That’s what she says. Why didn’t you get your own picture of Elsa? I got mine and you should have got yours if you wanted to have one. Why didn’t you do what I did? Get your own picture of Elsa, why don’t you? You were there. You could have used my camera and taken your own picture so why didn’t you? I didn’t stop you so it’s not my fault you have no picture, is it? You wouldn’t even talk to Elsa and now you want me to give you my picture of her? Uh uh. I like this picture of Elsa and I don’t care what you say or how much you want this picture of her, you’re not getting it because this picture is mine and I’m going to keep it!”

I snorted. “Oh, brother. She can really give you some shit.”

“Yeah, well she’s my mom. She likes to mess with me and she’s pretty good at it. So anyway, she won’t give me the picture but she WILL show me the picture. And she never misses a chance to do so, believe me. Every time I go up there and she’ll show it to me, along with everyone else who happens to be around at the time. Everyone gets to look at smiling innocent Elsa and me being… looking like a dick!”

“You mean a cock.” I chuckled.

“Whatever. One of these days I’m going to get that picture though. One of these days.”

~~

She gave me (not him) the picture, when we were getting married, five years after this conversation, and 28 years after it was taken!